Every year I have this moment. I am currently experiencing it as I sit and write. It’s the feeling I LOVE about Christmas, that happy, excited, can’t stop smiling feeling because you know that Chrsitmas is almost here. That moment when you can relate to the Grinch because your heart feels like it is actually swelling with Christmas spirit.
I will admit I am not a huge fan of the Christmas season. I see it as such a stressful, commercialized time of year and I rail against those who decorate in November. Next year I will try to look at you differently if you are one of those people. Maybe you get this feeling earlier than I do, and I need to respect that. You see, Christmas will always bring some tears as I remember my dad and the fun he and I would have every holiday season. Lighting up the house together, picking out our family tree together, watching Muppet Chirstmas Carol together, the Christmas Fireside record that we both loved, wrapping all of the gifts from him since his left arm never recovered from his stroke. It does get easier though; I am no longer gutted as deeply as when he first passed. For those of you who are experiencing their first season without a loved one, I understand, and 15 years later, I can tell you it does get easier, but it never goes away.
Despite all of this, every year around the Winter Solstice, the Christmas spirit hits. Maybe it’s because the tree is up, maybe it’s the look of the house, perhaps it’s the marathon Christmas viewing of old favourites. I don’t know. But I’m glad the feeling is here. I was worried that it wouldn’t arrive this year since my family is doing very different things this year. I’ll miss tracking Santa (yes, I still do that with no children in the house), and it feels a little strange to have the presents wrapped and under the decorated tree (it usually doesn’t happen till Christmas Eve). If you haven’t found your twice the size heart feeling yet, I hope it comes to you. If you are having a hard time this year, know that there are people out there thinking of you.
To all of you, I wish you a Happy Christmas!